The Tragedy of Bart and Deidra
by The Art Wizard
Summary: A request by LiveFoREVer93. In this Simpsons take on a Shakespearean classic, Everyone's favorite naughty boy falls in love with a beautiful girl. The only downside? Their families hate each other. Bummer...
1. Chapter 1

The Tragedy of Bart and Deidra

[curtains open]

(_Principal Skinner walks in stage right_.)

Skinner: Hello! And welcome to our humble little play of William Shakespeare's The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet. This is a play that has been done many times before and many more times in the future. (heh heh heh) Now before we start the play, I'd like to read you a sonnet to get the mood started.

(_Skinner pulls out a flashcard and puts it to his face_.)

Skinner: Two households, both alike in dignity, In fair Verona, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these tw-AAHHH!

(_Skinner falls threw a trapdoor as the laughter of a 10-year-old boy is heard off-stage_.)

Skinner: SIMPSON!

[Act One]

[Scene One]

(_Bart and Milhouse, who are playing the roles of Romeo and his cousin Benvolio respectfully, are walking through town. Bart has a sad look on his face_.)

Milhouse: Why the long face, Romeo?

Bart: (_sighing_) It's nothing, Benvolio.

Milhouse: C'mon, Romeo. (_wraps arm around Bart_) You can tell me anything.

Bart: …Gah. Alright! But promise me you won't tell anyone.

Milhouse: I swear!

(_Bart faces Milhouse_)

Bart: Cross your heart? Hope to die?

Milhouse: Sure do!

Bart: Stick I needle in your eye?

Milhouse: Did that this mourning! _(Points to a spot near his eye_) I was helping my mom with the sewing. It was my first time! And I had an accident…

(_Bart looked unamused_.)

Bart: Yeah…well, the thing is…there's this girl I like-

(_Milhouse's eyebrows rise in amusement_.)

Milhouse: (_teasing_) Oh! Do tell.

Bart: (_Slightly annoyed_) … Benvolio, don't make me punch you in the face.

Milhouse: (_eyebrows go down, no longer teasing_) Sorry.

(_Bart gets closer to Milhouse and lowers his voice_)

Bart: Now, the thing is-uh, she's right over there.

(_Bart points over to the side of a building while a girl was putting up a flier. Her name is Deidra, who was playing the role of the fair Juliet. She possessed long, chocolate hair and a matching pair of emerald eyes. She turns to see Bart and Milhouse and she shyly smiled at them, waving at them as well._)

Milhouse: (_waving at Deidra but muttering to Bart_) Wow! No _wonder_ you like her! She's gorgeous!

Bart: (_mutters back_) Yeah, but there's a problem…

?: Hey, Romeo!

(_Nelson, who is acting out as Juliet's cousin Tybalt, walks into the scene behind Bart, grabbing his collar and turning him around to face him._)

Nelson: I see you eyeing my cousin! I catch you doing that again and I'll kick your ass!

Bart: Eat my shorts, Tybalt!

(Nelson proceeds to punch Bart in the gut and fling him on the ground. He then walks over to Deidra.)

Nelson: C'mon, Juliet! Let's get outta here! There's too many _Montagues_ running around!

(_The two of them walk away, but not without Deidra secretly giving Bart a loving smile. Bart responds with a goofy, love-filled chuckle and a wave. Milhouse gasped._)

Milhouse: You're in love with a _Capulet_‽ But your family **hates** the Capulets.

Bart: I know, but did you see that? She looked back at me! That proves she loves me too! (_he grabs Milhouse by the shoulders and shakes him a little._) I just know it!

Milhouse: Oh, the wonders of hormonally-driven adolescence never cease to amaze me.

Bart: (_turns and sees the flier Deidra put up_) Benvolio! Look at this poster! (_rips of poster and shows it to Milhouse_) There's a party going on at the Capulet House tonight! I need to see that girl again!

Milhouse: Uh, I don't know Romeo. The Capulet House will be filled to the brim in guards. How will you ever get inside?

(_Then from out of a neighboring pig-pen, Otto Mann, playing the ever-amusing Mercutio, one of Romeo's closest friends, crawled out of the mud and into the spotlight_)

Otto: I can help you, little dude!

(_Bart and Milhouse turned to Otto, both confused_)

Bart: Mercutio? What were you doing in a pig-pen?

Otto: I live here now, ever since my parents kicked me out.

(_brief awkward silence_)

Otto: Can I live with you?

Bart: Never mind that, Mercutio. Can you sneak me into the Capulet House tonight?

Milhouse: (_getting chipper_) Can I come too? I always wanted to see the Capulet House from the inside.

(_Bart looks unamused at Milhouse_)

Bart: Uh, sure. Why not? (_back to Otto_) So, can you do it?

Otto: (_Grins_) Don't worry, Kid. I'll get you in! (_huddles closer to Bart and Milhouse_) Now, here's the plan…

[Scene Two]

(_Bart, Milhouse and Otto walk into the Capulet House dressed as overly-dressed ladies. Once they were past the security, Milhouse and Bart removed their disguises and took off their make-up._)

Bart: (_laughs_) That was easier than I expected.

Milhouse: Tell me about it; I could have sworn that guard winked at me!

Bart: (_jokingly_) Did you get his number?

Milhouse: (_pulling out a slip of paper_) I did, as a matter of fact.

(_Bart rolls his eyes_)

Otto: (_still in a dress_) Well, I'll catch up with you guys later.

Bart: (_confused_) How come you haven't taken off you disguise?

Otto: I have a date tonight.

(_just then, a man with a pencil-thin moustache and jet-black hair approached Otto_)

Man: Shall we go, M'lady?

Otto: (_in womanly voice_) Coming! (_secretly whispers to Bart_) It's only until he lends me some money to buy a house.

(_Otto and the man walk away as Bart and Milhouse come up with a plan_)

Milhouse: So, what do you want to do first? Egg the ballroom or clung all the toilets with paper towels?

Bart: Uh, actually Benvolio, you can start without me. I gotta find that girl. I know she's here somewhere.

(_Bart runs off as Milhouse pulls out a roll of paper towels_)

Milhouse: (_to himself_) Oh man, I always wanted to try this!

(_Meanwhile, in her room, Deidra and her Nurse, played by Lisa, were preparing to join the party._)

Deidra: Nurse, do you believe in love at first sight?

Lisa: (_deadpan_) Juliet, the emotion you call 'love' is just a rearrangement of hormones produced by the brain in order to pass on your genes to your offspring. And on top of that, as a teenager, you're experiencing an enormous hormonal change to prepare you for the aforementioned passing of genes.

Deidra: You don't have a boyfriend, do you, Nurse?

Lisa: (_annoyed_) You say that like I _should_ have one. Why does every female protagonist have to be in a romantic relationship? It just paints woman as creatures that can't do anything without a man!

Deidra: (_getting upset_) You know, people like you are the reason why it's so hard for people to fall in love, with your whole [_taunting voice_] 'Oh! I'm such a victim of what God intended!' [_normal voice_] routine.

Lisa: Well, you know what? It doesn't matter. You need to stay away from that Romeo! He's nothing but a pointy-headed nuisance!

Deidra: How so?

Lisa: Well, for starters, he's a Montague! They're all nuisances! And second, he has a history of pulling pranks all across Verona.

Deidra: What can I say? I like bad boys.

Lisa: (_getting fed up_) Just stay away from him, okay? Now let's go! Your guests are expecting you.

(_The two of them walk out of Deidra's room and into the party. Almost immediately, Bart pulls Deidra around the corner._)

Bart: Juliet!

Deidra: Romeo‽ How did you get in here‽‽

Bart: That doesn't matter! Juliet, I can't stand another second without you!

Deidra: Well, I'm flattered. But what if someone sees you?

Bart: Don't worry, we'll just hang out in the courtyard. No one will be there, right?

Lisa: (_from around the corner_) Juliet! Where are you‽

Deidra: (_turns to the sound_) Uh oh. (_turns back to Bart_) Gotta go, Romeo. I'll meet you at the courtyard.

(_Deidra walks off, leaving Bart alone but Bart smiled softly anyway. Just then, Milhouse showed up._)

Milhouse: Hey, Romeo, you got anymore paper towels? I was going to flush them down the toilets, but I used all of them washing my hands 'cause I had to use the bathroom really bad.

Bart: (_confused_) Why didn't you just flush them down the toilets when you were done?

(_Milhouse looks blank._)

Milhouse: (_face-palming_) Oh, Man!

[_Scene Three_]

(After the party died down, Deidra was now standing at the balcony that faced the courtyard.)

Deidra: (_sadly_) Oh, Romeo. Oh, Romeo. Oh, why art thou Romeo?

(_Bart, from below the balcony, calls up to Deidra_)

Bart: Why can't you come down here and talk?

Deidra: Because my Nurse found out I was talking to you, so I can leave my room. Besides, this is the most iconic part of the play.

Bart: (_groans_) Of course.

Deidra: So, anyway…O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I'll no longer be a Capulet.

Bart: (_a bit confused_) Uh… (_looks at the palm of his hand_) But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the—evicious-no-evasive—edve-edve—

Deidra: (_correcting_) Envious?

Bart: Yeah, that! Envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief, that thou her maid art far more fair than she: Be not her maid, since she is envious; Her vestal livery— (wait, did I read that right?) is but sick and green and none but fools do wear- (_puts his hand down_) ah, the hell with it! (_looks at Deidra_) I love you Juliet. You wanna get married?

Deidra: (_surprised_) Oh, Romeo! This is so sudden!

Bart: (_getting desperate_) Well, do you?

(Deidra tries to find the right thing to say when suddenly…)

Nelson: (_off-stage_) Hey! Romeo! I know you're around here somewhere!

Bart: Uh-oh. Gotta go! We'll talk about it later!

(_Bart then runs off and meets up with Milhouse and Otto, who was still in a dress._)

Milhouse: Romeo! You made it out! We were thinking the Capulets got you.

Bart: Well they almost did. And I almost got one.

Otto: Oh yeah, that Juliet chick! You told her you liked her?

Bart: Yeah! And she liked me back! I think—

?: Romeo Montague!

(_Marge and Homer, playing the roles of Romeo's parents, walks in._)

Bart: Mom! Dad! What are you doing here‽

Marge: We were about to ask you the same thing, young man.

Homer: We were?

(_Marge looks annoyed at Homer_)

Homer: (_realizing and acts angry_) Oh! Yeah! We were!

Marge: We told you a thousand times to stay away from the Capulets. Now you're in serious trouble, young man!

(_Marge then grabs Bart by his ear and pulls him away, Bart is yelping in pain. Homer turns to Otto._)

Homer: Hey, Mercutio! Nice dress.

Otto: Thanks, Montague-Dude.

(_Homer walks away._)

Milhouse: (_turning to Otto_) Why do you still wearing that, Mercutio?

Otto: I forgot to bring my normal clothes.

(_Romeo and his parents are having a talk in his room._)

Marge: Romeo! How could you fall in love with a Capulet‽ Your Father and I raised you so much better than that!

Bart: Mom, I—

Marge: (_interrupting_) We told you once, we told you twice, we told you thrice, we told you at least a hundred times that the Capulets are to never, I repeat, **never** to be trusted. And what do you do? You become smitten over one! How could you do this to your own family?

Marge: You don't even know her, Mom.

Homer: Boy! Don't talk back to your mother!

Bart: But it's true! You don't know her, (_turns to Homer_) and neither do you!

Marge: We don't have to know her, Romeo! She's a Capulet! There all the same!

Bart: She isn't!

Marge: (_furious_) That is it! You're grounded! And you are forbidden from even breathing the same _air_ as that girl!

Bart: But Mom—

Marge: No buts!

(_Marge and Homer leave Bart's room_)

Bart: (_looks out his window_) Don't worry, Juliet. We _will_ be together! Mark my works!

* * *

**Hi, Everyone! You enjoyed that story?**

**Who here likes the Simpsons? And who here likes Romeo and Juliet? Well, now you got the best of both worlds!**

** This Fanfiction is actually a request by LiveFoREVer93. If you want my to write a fanfic for you, don't be shy to ask. My massage box is always open. ;)**

**The character Deidra is actually LiveFoREVer93's OC in case you were wondering.**

**So we see Bart, er, I mean Romeo, getting grounded for seeing Juliet. How will they be with eachother now? Will Romeo and Juliet ever get married? Find out in Act II of 'The Tragedy of Bart and Deidra'.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Knock, Knock! Who's there? It's yo' boy: The Art Wizard! *Air Horns***

**Hey, Why is the only one celebrating is me? C'mon! Where's the welcome back committee?**

**...uh, is it 'cause I've been gone for about three months with nothing short of a warning?**

**Understandable. But, I'm back. And I mean it this time.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters. The Simpsons are property of Matt Groening, Gracie Films and 20th Century Fox.**

* * *

[Act Two]

[Scene One]

_[It is night-time, and Bart and Deidra had snuck-out of their houses to meet each other in front of the church._]

Bart: [_happy_] Oh, Juliet! I knew you would come!

Deidra: I wouldn't miss this opportunity for the world.

[_After shooting her a quick smile, Bart knocks on the church door; soon it opened and Friar Laurence, played by Rev. Lovejoy, entered view._]

Lovejoy: Ah, the star-crossed lovers had finally arrived. Please, come into the house of the Lord.

[_Bart and Deidra follow Lovejoy into the cathedral_]

Deidra: [_whispers to Bart_] How were you able to convince this guy to marry us?

Bart: [_whispers back_] He's been wanting to stop the fighting between our families for years. He believes marrying us might be the way to do it.

Lovejoy: Ahem! No talking in the Lord's house!

Bart: [_whispers softer to Deidra_] Maybe while he's at it, he can chill out.

[_Deidra giggles at that while Lovejoy swiftly turns to Bart._]

Lovejoy: Young man, I know how much you love this young woman; and I do want you families to stop this ridiculous rivalry! Don't make me change my mind!

Bart: …Yes, sir.

Lovejoy: That's Friar Laurence to you!

[_They continue down the row until they finally reached the alter. Milhouse and Otto were there to be their witnesses. Milhouse was crying his eyes out, much to Bart's embarrassment. Otto was giving the two of them two thumbs up._]

Lovejoy: Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to witness these two come together in holy matrimony! I assume no one has a reason why these two should not be wed.

[_Milhouse, who was still crying, shook his head along with Otto._]

Lovejoy: Okay. [_to Bart_] Do you, Romeo Montague, take Juliet Capulet to be your wife?

Bart: I do!

Lovejoy: [_to Deidra_] And do you, Juliet Capulet, take Romeo Montague to be your husband?

Deidra: I do!

Lovejoy: And so, by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss th—oh.

[_Bart and Deidra started kissing before Lovejoy even finished. Milhouse and Otto cheered them on._ _The next morning, Bart, Milhouse and Otto were in the shop, reminiscing Bart and Deidra's wedding._]

Bart: I can't believe I married the girl of my dreams!

Milhouse: Uh, Romeo, you've been saying that for the past hour.

Otto: Yeah, Little Dude, it's kinda bummin' me out!

Bart: Sorry, but…I just can't believe it!

Milhouse: So, what are we doing now?

Bart: We're going to find some stuff for me and Juliet's new house. So, we're going to need furniture, food, storage for the food-

Nelson: [_offstage_] Romeo!

[_Bart, Milhouse and Otto quickly turn to see Nelson, red in the face and sword in hand, walk furiously onstage._]

Nelson: I heard you've been with my cousin again! Big mistake!

Bart: Tybalt! I thought the market smelt a little more sour than usual.

Nelson: [_points the sword toward Bart_] I've had enough of you, Romeo! You and your whole family is nothing but a bunch of creeps! It's time I finish you off!

[_Nelson rushed toward Bart, about to swing his sword. Otto intervenes._]

Otto: Nooo!

[_Otto pushes Bart out of the way of the sword as he gets hit with it instead. He lands with a thud._]

Bart: [_gets up and sees Otto down._] Mercutio! [_runs up to check on him._] Mercutio! Are you okay‽

Otto: [_looks up_] Yeah! I'm alright! [_he gets up and his guts spill out of his body_] Oh; I guess I'm not. [drops dead]

[_Bart kneels._]

Bart: Mercutio! Nooooo!

Nelson: Ha! Ha! I killed your friend!

[_Bart furiously glares at Nelson._]

Bart: Tybalt! You're gonna pay for this!

[_Bart draws out his own sword and charges at Nelson. They spare for a while until Bart finally stabs Nelson in the torso._]

Nelson: [_taunting_] Hey, Romeo! You missed my heart!

[_Bart slashes across Nelson's body, opening his belly and his insides fall onto the ground._]

Nelson: That a boy. [_drops dead._]

[_Milhouse gasped at what Bart had just done._]

Milhouse: Romeo! Do you realize what you've done‽

Bart: Uh, Yeah! I avenged Mercutio and killed that fatso Tybalt.

Milhouse: You also just killed your new cousin!

Bart: [_realization kicking in._] Oh…shoot! [_begins to panic_] Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no! I killed my new cousin after marrying Juliet! How am I going to explain this to her‽‽

Milhouse: The bigger question is how are you going to explain it to them?

[_Milhouse pointed behind Bart and there was Chief Wiggum playing the Prince and his crew, Eddie and Lou as his advisors._]

Wiggum: Alright, what's going on here?

Lou: Uh, it appears to be a murder, your highness.

Wiggum: [_to Lou, sarcastically_] Thanks, Lou. I couldn't tell by the dead bodies all over the ground.

Eddie: You don't have to be so hard on him, Sire.

Lou: Yeah. I was just trying to help…

Wiggum: Sorry. I just want one day without you telling me the obvious.

Lou: To be fair, Sire, it's our job!

Wiggum: Well, you boys do fine good job; keep it up!

Lou and Eddie: Yes, your Majesty!

Wiggum: [_to Bart_] Now, what happened here?

[_Bart and Milhouse bow before Wiggum._]

Bart: Your Majesty! I can explain! My friend was killed by one of the Capulets and I avenged him.

Wiggum: Romeo Montague! I should've known. [_to Lou and Eddie_] Alright boys, take him away!

Lou: Uh, how your excellency?

Eddie: We don't have anything to restrain him.

Wiggum: w-w-i-I don't know. I've never ordered an arrest before. My dad normally does this. Besides, I was just walking through the market, getting some fresh air and exercise when this happened.

[_they turn back to the scene when Bart and Milhouse are gone._]

Wiggum: Whoops! He got away. Oh well, let's roll boys.

Lou: Are you sure you don't wanna at least hunt him down, Sire?

Wiggum: Ah, that's too much work! How about this? [_clears his voice_] Uh, yeah, attention Commoners, Romeo is now banished from Verona! By the word of the Prince! [_to Lou_] That'll do it. Let's roll.

[_Scene 2_]

[_Deidra waited in her room for Bart; brushing her hair gracefully in front of her mirror._]

Deidra: [_slightly impatient_] Where is Romeo? He's been gone all day! [_scoffs_] Boys! You give them a simple task and it takes them all day.

[_Suddenly, Lisa barges into the scene._]

Deidra: [_surprised_] Nurse! You scared me!

Lisa: [_out of breath_] Juliet...Tybalt…Romeo…dead…

[_Deidra gasps_]

Deidra: Romeo's dead‽‽‽

Lisa: No, I mean, I don't think so—

Deidra: Did Tybalt killed him‽‽‽

Lisa: I wish! No! Tybalt was ki—

Deidra: Oh no! What if Romeo killed himself‽ Is that what happened‽ Did Romeo kill himself‽

Lisa: Juliet! If you would just listen—

Deidra: That's it! I can't live in a world without my precious Romeo! I'll take my own life to be with him!

Lisa: JULIET!

[_Deidra stops and listens_]

Lisa: [_sighs frustratingly_] Tybalt and Romeo got into a fight at the Market. I don't know what happened there, but Tybalt is dead because of it.

Deidra: Do you know what happened to Romeo?

Lisa: [_stern_] Hopefully he's dead too.

Deidra: [_looks away sadly_] I was afraid of that… [_weeps_]

Lisa: Juliet! Why do you care about him‽ He's a Montague! The scum of all of Verona! The curse that plagued your family for years! YEARS! Yet you treat him better than most of your own flesh and blood! Do you even care that your cousin Tybalt is dead because of that-that vermin‽‽

Deidra: [_snaps back_] And you think we've been doing better‽ Tybalt constantly harasses Romeo! Constantly! And for no reason!

Lisa: Romeo has insulted your family for years!

Deidra: And Tybalt's been insulting his family for years!

Lisa: [_shouts_] You're missing the point!

[_Enters Principal Skinner, playing Juliet's father._]

Skinner: Is everything alright in here? I can hear you all the way downstairs.

Deidra: Father, have you heard? Romeo and Tybalt are dead!

Skinner: Ah, yes. I heard something about that! [_sighs_] Unfortunately, your cousin Tybalt is dead. And what's worse, Bart—duh, I mean, Romeo isn't dead. Instead His Majesty, the Prince, simply banished him from Verona.

Deidra: B-B-Banished?

Skinner: Yes; banished. [_leans in_] Personally, I think the Prince is kind of an idiot.

Lisa: You and me both, Master Capulet. If I were the Prince, I would have drawn my sword right then and there and put an end to that human parasite once and for all!

Skinner: I couldn't have said it better myself.

Deidra: NO! You're lying! Romeo couldn't have been banished! I just know it!

Skinner: [_stern_] Now Juliet, I know about your little obsession with that hooligan. And as your father I'm telling you to never go near him! He's a delinquent and now a murderer!

Deidra: It was in self-defense!

Skinner: Not another word! And I don't want to hear anymore about you and that—that mongrel!

Deidra: But father—

Skinner: Is that understood‽‽‽

[_Deidra lowered her head sadly._]

Skinner: Now, I must return to my duties. And let this be the end of this Romeo nonsense. [_leaves_]

Deidra [_to Nurse_] Nurse! I need you to do something for me!

Lisa: If it's Romeo related, then leave me out of it.

Deidra: Please, Nurse. If you do this for me, then I'll keep you out of our affairs.

Lisa: Juliet, I—

Deidra: All I need you to do is give Romeo this ring!

Lisa: What does that have to do with anything‽

Deidra: It will show him that I still love him, even after what he's done.

Lisa: Well, I doubt showing him a ring will prove anything…but, if it makes you happy and gets me as far away from this nonsense as possible, then I'll do it.

[_the Nurse takes the ring._]

Deidra: Oh, bless you Nurse. You don't know how much this means to me.

Lisa: Bless yourself! You're gonna need it!

[_the Nurse walks offstage leaving a smiling Juliet alone._]

[_Skinner pokes his head in._]

Skinner: Oh, and by the way, I've scheduled you to marry Count Paris.

[_Skinner leaves._]

Deidra: [_surprised_] W-What!

Bart: [_pops his head through Juliet's window_] Juliet!

[_Deidra squeaks in surprise_]

Bart: Shh! Sorry I'm late. I—

[_Deidra hugs Bart midsentence_]

Deidra: Oh, Romeo! Where have you been‽ I heard you got banished from Verona!

Bart: [_sighs_] It's true, Juliet. I killed Tybalt! And the Prince had me banished for it! I'm not even supposed to be here!

Deidra: You're not hurt, are you?

Bart: No. No, I'm okay. My friend Mercutio took the blade as Tybalt attacked. I was so angry…I drew my own sword and killed him. Oh. Juliet! Could you ever forgive me?

Deidra: For killing Tybalt? Please! He had what was coming to him.

Bart: But—he's your cousin!

Deidra: I'd rather have Tybalt slain ten thousand times than to live in a world without you.

Bart: You…you really mean that?

Deidra: [_hugs Bart tighter_] Of course!

[_Bart smiled and hugged Deidra back. The next morning, Bart sneaks out of the window without waking up Deidra_]

Bart: [_whispers_] Goodbye, Juliet. I love you.

[_Bart sneaks out the window as Deidra slowly gets up_]

Deidra: I love you too, Romeo.

[_someone knocks on Deidra's door and enters Skinner_]

Skinner: Good mourning, my Sunshine! You know what today is, do you?

Deidra: [_groans_] The day I hit back to reality?

Skinner: Close; today's the day you meet your fiancé! Come on in, Paris.

[_enter Ralph Wiggum dressed as an Italian Count_]

Ralph: I'm the Count. Watch me count: 1-3-16-2-44-112…

Deidra: [_to Skinner, annoyed_] You cannot be serious.

Skinner: Now, don't give me that attitude, Young lady!

Deidra: What kind of Count doesn't know how to count? Shouldn't he have a relatively higher education than the common folk?

Skinner: [_whispers_] He didn't get enough oxygen before he was born. [_normal voice_] Besides, he's a strapping young lad, he'd make you a great husband [_to Ralph_] won't you, Paris?

Ralph: I have a penny up my nose.

Deidra: …Could you excuse me? I'll be right back.

[_Deidra rushes out the door and into the street. She goes directly to the Church to see Lovejoy studying the Word at his desk_]

Deidra: Friar Laurence! Friar Laurence!

Lovejoy: [_angered_] Child, please! You are in the Lord's House! Speak softly!

Deidra: [_softer_] Friar Laurence! My father wants me to marry that idiot Count Paris!

Lovejoy: Ah, yes. Count Paris isn't the most sought-after bachelor for a reason.

Deidra: But I'm already married to Romeo.

Lovejoy: I know. I'm the one who married the two of you.

Deidra: What must I do? I can't tell my father I'm married to the son of his worst enemy. If only I had some kind of Deus Ex Machina that can fix everything!

Lovejoy: Funny how you mentioned that. Please, come with me.

[_Lovejoy gets up with Deidra behind him and walked into a small room. He grabs a bottle from the top shelf._]

Lovejoy: This is a sleeping drought that when drunk it will make you seem dead. Drink all of it and it'll knock you out long enough for your family to think you're dead. They'll carry you to me so I can take you to the city mausoleum. I'll write a letter to Romeo about the plan. Now go home and drink the elixir.

Deidra: Oh, bless you, Friar!

Lovejoy: Bless yourself! You're gonna need it.

Deidra: Huh…that's what my nurse said to me last night.

[_Deidra rushes home as Lovejoy writes the letter. He gives it to his messenger, Barney Gumble._]

Lovejoy: Take this letter to the Montague House and give it to Romeo inconspicuously.

Barney: Whatever you say, Friar!

[_Barney takes the letter and leaves the church._]

Barney: Wow, one could imagine what could happen if I lost this letter. It could spell disaster for those kids.

[_Barney then notices a festival happening; where everyone was drinking kegs upon kegs of ale._]

Barney: Alright! The 'Free Ale Carnival' is back in town!

[_Excitingly, he rushes toward the carnival, dropping the letter in the mud in the process._]

[Scene 3]

[The next morning, _Bart and Milhouse were standing at the limit of Verona, saying their goodbyes._]

Bart: Well, Benvolio, this is it.

Milhouse: [_crying like a wimp_] Oh, Romeo! I can't believe you're going away! [_hugs Bart_] I don't want you to go away! I don't! I don't!

[_Bart pushes Milhouse off him_]

Bart: Get a hold of yourself, Benvolio! I'll just be living outside of town. You can still visit me.

Milhouse: [_sniffling_] It won't be the same.

[_Bart rolled his eyes and briefly saw the Squeaky-Voiced Teen as a town crier.]_

SVT: Hear ye! Hear ye! Juliet Capulet has been found dead in her own house! Police suspect suicide!

Bart: J-J-Juliet's dead?

SVT: Yeah! Can you believe that? They found her holding a bottle of poison. Whoever caused her to drink it must have been a real jerk.

Bart: [_stomach sinking_] …Yeah.

[_Bart walks away, head down_]

Bart: This is all my fault!

Milhouse: How is it your fault, Romeo?

Bart: I got banished because I killed her cousin! She couldn't stand the fact that Tybalt's dead and I got kicked out of Verona! It must have been too much for her and it's all my fault!

Milhouse: Come on, Romeo! It wasn't…entirely your fault. Tybalt tried to kill you! You were defending yourself. It was _his_ fault for attacking you!

Bart: [_not listening to Milhouse_] This is all my fault! This is all my fault! [_gets an idea_] I got it! I know just what to do!

Milhouse: What is it, Romeo?

[_Bart starts running_]

Milhouse: Hey! Where're you going‽

[_Bart rushes into the 'Ye Olde Poison Shop' and rushed out with a bottle of arsenic._]

Bart: I'm coming, Juliet! I'm coming!

[_He runs to the Town Mausoleum where he saw Deidra's body; Placed out in the open by Lovejoy, thinking Bart had gotten the letter. Bart starts crying._]

Bart: Oh, Juliet! I never met for any of this to happen. [_holds her and sobs in her burial dress_] Don't worry, Juliet. We'll be together again! [_holds up the bottle_] To our happily ever after. [_downs the poison_] … [_nothing happens_] Hey, what gives? This says, "fast acting". Why is it taking so — [_drops dead_]

[_Just then, Jovejoy enters the mausoleum_]

Lovejoy: Way to go, Romeo. You and Juliet can finally – oh. [_sees Bart dead_] Well, this didn't turn out at all as plan.

[_Deidra starts waking up_]

Deidra: [_yawns_] Wow. That was some powerful stuff Friar Lawrence gave me. Now we can — [_she sees Romeo on the ground_] Romeo? [_no response_] Romeo‽ Romeo!

[_Deidra tries shaking Bart to wake him up but to no avail. She starts tearing up_]

Deidra: ROMEO! ROMEO! [_she holds Bart close_] Y-Y-You idiot! Why did you have to take your own life‽

Lovejoy: Juliet. He must not have gotten the letter I sent him. I'll have to find a better messenger. Come now. We'll tell your family what happened.

Deidra: NO! I can't! Not after all this! My stupid plan caused my true love to die!

Lovejoy: Juliet, this isn't your fault!

Deidra: Yes, it is!

Lovejoy: I'm the one who gave you the elixir. If anyone is at fault here, it's me.

Deidra: No, Friar! You were only trying to help. I should have just run away with Romeo instead of this stupid plan! Now Romeo's dead because of me. [_sobs uncontrollably_]

Lovejoy: [_thinking aloud_] 'Running away with Romeo'. Huh. That's not a bad idea.

Deidra: [_overheard Lovejoy_] Just go away!

Lovejoy: [_skeptical_] So, you want me to leave you here? While you're in this state of emotionally instability? Where anything can happen to you if I leave?

Deidra: GO!

[_Lovejoy shrugs and leaves. Deidra sobs some more._]

Deidra: Oh Romeo. Me and my stupid ideas. [_pulls out a knife_] I planned to use this on anyone in our families who would find out. But I guess I'll have to use it to bring the two of us together again. [_kisses Bart and readies the knife_] O happy dagger! This is thy sheath; there rust and let me die.

[_Deidra thrusts the blade into her chest. With a thud, she lies on the ground; dead as a doornail. Later, Lovejoy, Skinner, Homer, Marge, Lisa and Milhouse entered the tomb._]

Lovejoy: Here they are…

Marge: [_rushes to Bart, sobs_] Romeo! My baby's dead! My sweet little Romeo!

Homer: [comforts Marge] Don't worry, dear! We can always have another.

Marge: We're in our forties, Montague!

Homer: Hey, that's no excuse to not try.

Skinner: [comes to Deidra] Oh, E-gods, Juliet! Oh, your Mother's going to kill me!

Lisa: [_deadpan_] That is if she doesn't kill herself after hearing the news.

[_everyone looks at her surprisingly_]

Lisa: What? That seems to be what everyone's been doing when they hear something like this happening. Don't tell me you wouldn't have said the same thing!

Marge: [_to Lovejoy_] Friar. You said they killed themselves because they _loved_ each other?

Lovejoy: …sure.

Homer: [_laughs_] That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!

Marge: Montague! [_turns to Homer_] That's very rude of you!

Homer: Well, it's true, isn't it?

Marge: No! In fact, I think that's very romantic!

Homer: You do?

Lovejoy: You do?

Skinner: You do‽

Lisa and Milhouse: YOU DO‽‽

Marge: Oh, yes! Two lovers whose families hate each other, and with there attempt to be together, they realize the only way to do so is to take there ow lives. Tragic as it was, it was the only way to bring them together.

Lisa: No offence, Lady Montague, but your husband's right. That _is_ stupid.

Homer: Thank you!

Marge: Well, you can all think what you want. I propose we make a monument to dedicate these two, as well as to put an end to this stupid rivalry behind us.

Everyone (except Lovejoy): WHAT‽

Homer: B-B-But dear! They've been our enemies for years.

Marge: And it's 'bout time to put an end to it. Look at our son, Montague! He and the girl died because of everyone's hatred for each other! Either _we_ change or this will only get worse!

Homer: You sure there isn't a third option?

[_Marge groans_]

Skinner: I agree! We should honor their deaths and end this disagreement once and for all!

Homer: Oh, okay. For the Boy. And his wife.

[_Lisa then takes the ring from her pocket._]

Lisa: Well I guess I can't give Romeo this ring.

Milhouse: Well, maybe not to Romeo, but maybe…[_nudges_]

Lisa: [_rolls her eyes_] Sure. Why not?

[_Lisa gives Milhouse the ring_]

Milhouse: Alright!

[_curtains close_]

* * *

**Wooh! Glad that's taken care of. I hope you all liked this one. As I stated last time, this was a request by LiveFoREVer93, who is a big fan of the Simpsons and Romeo and Juliet (as am I) and Deidra is her OC. I can take you're request too! Oh, yes. Just drop me a PM. Well, that's all the time we have! I'll see you all later. Have a nice day and God bless you my friends.**


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